My pen falls on my paper.

Confused by the feelings below in my breast...
But who will count it's beats?
Will you?
When I thought you were a brother you were really much more then that...
And with every ounce of courage I had stored under my pillow
waiting for good use
I proved to myself
I was not afraid.
But will we forget
our bond made in blood?
will I renounce the strength that we swore upon
over a candle and under the roof of the bedroom that night and the sky and the moon?
I will not let you know that this issue occured.
I believe no one
not even myself
can fix what I've done
and the feelings I have
and the blood
that i shed
and the tears
i have seeped
the ones that you caught
because you signed it in blood
that you would.
Will I tell you how I feel?
No.
will i tell you how I've come to this?
no. will i ever tell you how i feel about your best friend?
never...
big brother keep catching my tears
with the knowledge that they are your sister's
not that of a cheeter
a spying
young crying
sad sister for sale...
for sale to your best friend
she cries every night
without the knowing how to tell you.
how would you take it?
would you rip the contract straight in half
and laugh at the pieces?
of the paper the blood and my heart?
I care for you with a passion
and a depth known only by a sibling
but walking weak and weary
I wonder if you truly believe that the contract is true
but I know that you love me as I do you.
Because the laughs and the smiles could never go to waste
and the chaos and the hardships can never be forgotten
but most of all
this love cannot be erased...
but the love for you friend
it can be.
and it shall be.
and it now is
but can always come back.... to haunt me, to steal me, to use me.
hes a strange one he is
weighed down with charm
only a few words could win him my arm
but never before would i have fallen for such a floozy
but big brother i need you right now.
Save me from my own feelings
save me from your friend
save me from everything in this world thats scary...
but if you can't do that
big brother?
will you hold my hand?...